Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So squirting runs in the family.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
