She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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