in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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