So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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