remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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