you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
