would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
