it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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