I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
