how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
