Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
