I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
