I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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