It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
