Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
