Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
