Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You're like the curious george of whores
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
