her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
