While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
