So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
