A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Couch. On fire.
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