conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
