shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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