you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
