I am puke
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize