idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
