I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
