wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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