Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
