apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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