woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
there is glitter all over my balls
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