A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
