i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can feel your judgement through the phone
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Help. Why am I so naked?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
