We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
