I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
