I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
