OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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