Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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