Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
