it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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