no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
