Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
