Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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