If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
