did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
