Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
we should paint friendship bongs
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize