Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
