I'm pants shitting drunk right now
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Randomize
