And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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