PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize