Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
