I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
