so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
