I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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