I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize