So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
