Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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