She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
