He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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