we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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