when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
