It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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