I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
