I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
