do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i drank out of a bidet.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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