Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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