I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
