I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
