I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
