the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
