i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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