So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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