So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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