the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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